Reviewed by: Grey (The Dark Hours)
Posted by: Root Rot
Teeth (2007)
Directed by: Mitchell Lichtenstein
So a friend of mine watched this movie and decided that I must see it. I had no interest in it, but I was obligated. So I sat down and gave this indy darling a spin. I have been aware of Teeth for some time. Its the one with that girl with teeth in her vagina. How can you NOT be interested in a movie with that kind of premise, right?
First lets look at the marketing. Teeth is apart of the DIMENSION EXTREME line. That must be in all capital letters because that brand absolutely screams out for attention. I was kind of surprised that Teeth was included in Dimension Extreme because it doesn’t really fit. The movie isn’t a gory, exploitation movie in any way. In fact, right on the cover we are reminded lead actress, Jess Weixler won an award for her performance at the Sundance film festival! In fact Weixler is a “classically” trained graduate of the Julliard school of acting!
So right off the bat we have a marketing campaign that is a little muddled. Is this a kick-ass horror movie? Is it a taut thriller like Fatal Attraction like the review tagline promises? It is neither of course. Teeth is a coming of age story wherein a young girl, Dawn learns about her body and uses it to ward off the sexual advances of all the nasty piggish men that exist in the world. This movie is filled with awkward sexual encounters, silly stereotypes and penile violence.
This is my problem. As a red-blooded male, I feel like I am not the intended audience for this movie in any way. There is only one male character that isn’t an obnoxious stereotype. Let’s break down the plot of the movie. Dawn O’Keefe is the product of a divided household. Her parents are her biological mother and her stepfather. Both are loving and supporting, but her stepbrother is a creepy asshole. This is established from the very first scene in the movie where as kids, they attempt to play doctor together and it goes horribly wrong due to Vagina Dentata, or teeth that exist in Dawn’s vagina. This is the main focus of the movie, Dawn’s pussy.
Throughout the film we get to see men of questionable moral fortitude try to invade Dawn’s sensitive area over and over and get horribly punished for it. A good example of this is when Dawn decides she likes another boy who is apart of the creepy purity cult that she is in. When she attempts to share her feelings with him, he tries to rape her. Of course when he tries to force himself upon her, Dawn’s body reacts violently. This is the first traumatic scene in the movie and it sets the tone for the entire movie. It is partly comical and partly terrifying. After watching it, you don’t know whether to laugh or to scream. This works well at first, but this balance quickly gets tiresome.
The next showcase scene where Dawn visits a Gynaecologist is a tense scene that is well shot and well paced. This is where the issue for me comes in. I’m a guy. I have never been to and will never go to a Gynaecologist’s office, therefore it was difficult for me to relate to the tension in this scene. I couldn’t help feeling that if I were female I would find this film much more satisfying. Many of the set pieces in the film find Dawn getting the best of threatening male stereotypes that are little more than cartoons. By the time the movie reaches the climactic showdown with Dawn’s psychotic stepbrother, we have already seen everything the movie has to offer. There is nothing in this final scene that hasn’t already been presented before in the movie. From the effects to the way the scene plays out.
Having said that, the movie is extremely entertaining. Jess Weixler is thoroughly entertaining. Her performance is complex and engaging. The directing is competent and effective. If you like sexual violence, then this might be the right film for you. I would definitely recommend watching Teeth at least once, but I don’t think the movie is anything special. I will certainly never watch it again.
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I really enjoyed this movie, though I constantly had to check to make sure that I was still all there. I will never think of a Scooby Snack the same way again.
I’m getting nightmare flashbacks right now
Let’s just hope this movie doesn’t give the cosmetic dental industry a boost. Remember the craze where people were getting dental fang implants? **shudder**